Orded.. I'm already a has been..

Just orded last sat..
then went to the chalet organised by us orded, ording cpls..
only came back today at 1300+..
very tired..
watched tian long ba bu (1st episode)..
til i finally succumbed to the fatigue of not sleeping much these three days..
n concussed.. -_-

so much has happened these 2 n a half years..
esp these last 1 year..
been through so many ups n downs..
been through so many happy moments n sad moments..
really..
so much..
in so little time..

using ah long's words..
"i'm already a has been"
there's no need n no pt to keep reminiscing abt the past..
though it is so attached to me..
n i'm so attached to it..
tat there's so much i can't give up..
n so much so i wish for time to come to a standstill..
there can be no future if there is no past..
but if one keeps living in the past..
how is that he can move on?

...

Meaning of ORD..
a new phase in life?
a new journey..
n to give any regrets in the past..
a final push..
a final try..
n then forget abt it..
n to move on..

-_-

but..
now..
i'm tired..
n not exactly optimistic..
how?