2009

i tried writing a resolution for 2010
and it so happens
i couldn't much grab anything from the recesses of my memories
and hence
the journey back
literally into all of 2009's blog entries

surprisingly and shockingly
it felt as if i'm invading on the privacy of
another's blog
strange and foreign
and very peeping tomish.. haha

seriously,
was that really me
cos wat filled me up was
this sudden sense of unfamilarity
this taste of isolation from myself

peculiar indeed

so this shd imply that..
my first step in this 2010
hasn't been one that i hope
or set out to be on 2009

and it so seems
in the blink of an eye

i sorta split into the multifacaded personality
the past me once speculated of
and then
divided into fragments
into parallel dimensions

so..
i'm not me
and he's not I?

interesting..

think i need to sleep over my thoughts
and regroup myself
hey u hey u over there
all TLs pls return.
yawn
nitez

-to be continued-

匿名的好友

a rare night of sleep reluctantance
despite my ailing body
i turned to reading the posts of yesterday

can't help feeling nostalgic and melancholic

memories and life
have really changed a lot

the coming and leaving of people
the blooming and wilting of relationships
and pieces of memories
that just fits into the big puzzle

the jigsaw, the picture
we will see
the day everything comes to pass

as we age
rationality comes to layer like an icing
on top of the spontaneity and the gut feeling
and often
the fear of venturing
halts us in our footsteps
and yet
there are reasons
and decisions made upon them
to the right or wrong
and all in its time

maybe
the truth lies in
nian shao shi hou
shui mei you meng

but i guess
now's not the time for clear thinking
time to bunk in w mr pillow and bolster

上。山下。海

喜欢
漫无目的
胡思乱想

躺在床上
音乐盒子
环绕着
旋转着

微微风
凉凉的
微冷

就这样
时间过好快

懂得
不懂的
多也不多

有些惋惜
杳无音讯
聚离距离

秋风清，
秋月明。
落叶聚还散，
寒鸦栖复惊。

忽然累了

都不想做
都不想理

是
有点忙

也是

要顾全大局
要推陈出新
要自我评估

想看日出云海
想吃芋圆热狗
想喝布丁奶茶
哦
还有面线鸡排

那陌生的街
那点点雨后的潮湿
那没人在乎我的地方
画画图写写诗

流浪
我好想

随

was talking to boss over msn
and we were reminiscing

the bailey and meat i miss
is the one we all had
by the firepit
w the charcoal smell
munching meat
and drinking bailey
then through the wisps of smoke
we see the stars in the sky
talking abt life
as it goes by

yet
despite reliving the good times
sometimes
a change in perspective changes things
good memories turn out to be hurting
and bad ones good

in its complexity,
the fact remains
what you think
determines what you see
and what you see
determines what you think

tat aside.. i like lu guang zhong and lala! :)

May

sitting by the window
night slips by
yet
nudge me not to sleep

some echoes lost
meant more than heard
and some
heard
deepens loss

reluctant hesitation
persuades not time to stroll
even if hastened
binds not holds

words have left
vocab limited to few
naught its ways
barren its toes

even so
life moves on
wearied and experienced
a traveler goes

想吹海风，想流浪。

从手中流逝的
抓不住的

有点不知所措
怕睁开眼睛后
什么都不同了

不知道
知道了
又怎样

CNY soon

it almost felt like today's chinese new year le.
and mr time sorta lost his way..

the busy period these days with the cny clothes shopping
wore me out quite a bit..
i'm still not getting the hang of shopping for stuff..
and having lotsa huamans moving around
getting me all confused..

solitude i like
and yet.. i can't stand it..
makes me feel so aimless
ar.. how do i put it..
trying not to fan anyone..
and yet.. trying not to remember anyone or anything too much

i'm frankly unsure of myself
wat sides do i hath..
a one sided, two sided..
or like a multi facade one.

haha.. rambling hor..
i don't understand.
do you?

Moody Friday

This is gonna be a post of ranting
cos i dunno how to get it out

moody today
rushing stuff..
but nothing seems to work out..
keep overlooking stuff.. and my methods doesn't seem to work
hai dao my boss paiseh!
forgetting how to talk
and my words are getting incoherent especially face to face.
:| can't get my points across..

and sorta it feels i'm alone here..

hm.. i can't express in words too..

想什么，不想什么

Unfulfilled

Feels like i have been driving on an empty tank..

nothing i want to do
i dun want anything

just want to keep exercising
keep on moving

Bored

Completed Angels and Demons in slightly more than one day

so bored..
i need more good books
:|
craving for knowledge..
haha..
bored!

Remember

I need to remember myself..
dun get carried away by my own words and my mouth
especially during the interview..

up next.. one i hath no confidence in..
and there's still no reply from ds*ta yest..
guess i flunked it again :|

do i just accept tat wat's waiting for me?
or hold on and hope for the best..

1 and 4 days

Feeling empty

空虚空虚
用食物填满填满

2 and 5 away

haha.. sounds like 2 and a half there..
but it's 2 and 5 days respectively..

carebear's countdown 5 4 3 2 1

haha..
getting incoherent here..
anw.. today's ben and jerry's day..
but nvr go queue cos sch dun hath..
but ar..
it's one year le!
i rem going w the ia ppl on this day to vivo to get ice cream during lunch..

mm.. and one year later..
i'm in sch studying for my exams..

a contrast....
i wan my ice cream..

EnS part 2

Think i'm mad..
think we're mad..

haha..
the first time taking such a big risk
ens exams tmrw..
n all of us are taking the risk by gambling on the 4 questions we think will come out

the questions better come out on wat we studied..
cos we only studied for them

at least they did..
i'm only halfway through..
still muddling through wat is professionalism and professional association..
nothing seems to get in..
n the half-heartedness is worsening things..

how..
tmrw's the exam..
selective studying = high risk
me.. halfway through selective studying == v high risk..

i'm mad
:(

After Maths

Studying in school today..
so long since i properly sat down and studied..

and the air was stiffling..
coupled with my persistent cold..
i wonder how many packets of tissue got wasted..

hmm..
simulation notes was abt lotsa distributions
a sudden flash back to jc days
of double maths, physics and computing..

nothing much has changed
people change
but the method to do stuff still didn't..

perhaps.. i didn't remember enough..
but it did jolt back some fond memories..

when life changes to one of commitment..
the feeling changes as well..
choice of choices
thoughts of thoughts
an abrupt reeling in

oh..
subway and canadian pizza opened in sch liao..
the queue was atrociously long..
"fresh" stuff i guess (pun intended)

i nvr seem to get enough sleep..
even with my current 1230am or earlier sleep time

babbling babbling

so much yet so little
i still haven't forgotten enough i guess.. haha

a craving for kambing soup.. weird..

Computer Vision

Due to improper care during coding..
and my tendency to stare at the comp..

ironically,
computer vision is making my eyes lose their vision..

All-in

All-in in the sense of the weary adjective
and all-in in the sense of submission of fyp draft report

the awake marathon again from yesterday morning to now..
feels like a programming language lab module repeat
*shudders*

was on the verge of giving up the whole of today..
cos my magic fingers simply refused to budge..
n my tots were like a pool of dead stones..
the same hurdle
the same chapter
was just stuck there..
since this morning..
for no reason..
i simply could not write any more..
and logic doesn't flow in me..
for some reason, tears did not abandon me
since it kept trying to wet my eyes..

so tired

though at least tonight's peaceful
am not satisfied w the report performance
i simply didn't even make sense of it
i wonder how the examiner and prof can

this just doesn't justify my effort in coding
the multiple nites i spend sleepless in jurong..
aye..
unjustified and yet i can do nothing to better the situation now

tired

at least was happy to be back in sch..
haven been back since i can't rem when..
saw quite a number of ppl in sch too..
like wattie, sa, ks, qi, connie, jun oh n ah hua at the interchange too..

hmm.. maybe it's time to get a good sleep
n hope everything turns out for the better..

all-in

I believe

Somethings hath changed
and something haven't

wat's wat
and wat's next

needa wake up
wake up ur idea tl wake up

我会变得更强的

----------
就这样

当世界 不知不觉的变了
有时候 我怀念以前的我
作的梦虽然远远的
想像是一种快乐
拥有了 同时也失去什么
而眷恋 原来会带来软弱

Thumbelina part 2

after i blogged about thumbelina
i fell into a deep sleep like a spell..
and the world around me started to fade into darkness

two hours later,
i woke up and it's gone..
such a big ant
yet nowhere to be found

maybe..
it has found where it wanted to go

good luck thumbelina

*just hope i didn't step on it*